I spent a good portion of my youth looking at girly magazines and masturbating. In fact, it more or less became a nightly habit, and even to this day, there are times in the middle of the night, where I am loath to wake up my slut who has an early morning start, when I just cannot fall sleep, so I masturbate to bring on the completion that leaves me ready to doze off. It works pretty darn well as a sedative when I am done. As an adult, I graduated from the sock or a t-shirt of my youth that I used to catch my ejaculate, to a much more respectable small stack of hand towels I keep next to my bed to use in a pinch. As for my female partner, next to her bed are several toys and a bottle of lube. Masturbation is part of a health sex life.
There is something really wonderful about masturbation. As an expert masturbator, I can bring myself to orgasm fairly quickly and of course, the endorphins that are released are a bonus. In fact, after I was involved in a serious car accident and suffered intractable back pain several years ago, I found masturbation to be pain relieving thanks to those endorphins. Keep in mind that when rats have their pleasure centers in their brain stimulated in lab, they choose to starve to death by repeatedly tapping the pleasure center stimulator. Masturbation at root is really a fantasy sport. The simple truth of it is that when you masturbate, you can fantasize about any hot scene you can imagine, and often choose the naughtiest scene you can imagine to get you off.
Masturbation is a way to get to know your body. You can explore your genitals with your hands or toys, and you can achieve a degree of comfort with your sexuality. I used masturbation to survive a sexless marriage to a vanilla wife where I got to explore my kinky nature as an intellectual inquiry. That process of fantasy generation allowed me to find a path to explore my kinks in person after my marriage ended. For example, I had long fantasized about a lover who enjoyed me pissing in her ass, and as I got more into my kinks after I was divorced, I was able to live into that fantasy in person and now, I have the pleasure of having a partner who loves it as I regularly choose to fill her ass with my piss.
Many of my fantasies revolve around participating in water sports, so much so that the first time I had a sub on her knees before me with her mouth open in the bathtub, I was able to comfortably release and watch her enjoy my golden stream. I do not think I could have done so effortlessly had my fantasies been less developed. I put all of that down to masturbation.
One of the truly great experiences in human sexuality is “mutual masturbation”. I have a ritual with my submissive each night as we lay in bed before we fall asleep, where she cups my balls and strokes my erection to her satisfaction, often resulting in oral sex as an outcome. Laying there as my lover strokes my erection taking me on a magic carpet ride every night. Sometimes before she sucks my cock, I choose to touch her. When I finger her and bring her to orgasm as she vigorously strokes my cock, our lips locked in a passionate kiss, she has powerful orgasms one after another, and when I work her hard with my fingers, she squirts. As a result, her commitment to bringing me to fulfillment is enhanced.
Masturbation is really on its own, a state of fantasy sexuality. Even as a Dom I often fantasize about submitting to a Dominatrix and being forced to endure her use of my vulnerable when my partner is vigorously fingering my prostate with my cock down her throat. Those manually generated prostate origination orgasms are some of the most powerful I have ever experienced.
Lubes are quite useful when masturbating alone or when mutually masturbating. Lubes can change the experience for the better quite dramatically. Stroking your slippery cock or slippery wet pussy can make the experience quite lovely.
There are times when participating in a sexual scene, that I might choose to finish by masturbating on her face or chest as a way to mark her with my seed. So, as once can see, masturbation or mutual masturbation can easily form part of a scene.
I often task my submissive to “edge by masturbating every half hour” for so many minutes, sometimes with her fingers and sometimes with a vibrator. There are times when I deny myself while she is engaged in an edging task. Sex after edging/denial is great, very exciting and the orgasms are definitely toe-curling. We make edging a whole thing on its own. On days I task her, she sends me a text message every time she completes a task. This means that every half an hour, for example, she edges as instructed, and then sends me a text to inform me of her compliance. By the time I use her later in the day, she is a soupy mess. Believe it or not, this state of soupiness was actually surpassed recently when instead of having her edge, I had her masturbate to completion with the Hitachi wand on maximum power every half an hour. By the time I used her that afternoon, some 18 orgasms later, she was pretty much desperate to get fucked, had dropped into subspace, and climaxed immediately almost as soon as I penetrated her.
Masturbation is the source of so many nonsensical old-wives’ tales. Most of this nonsense is sourced in religion and early Victorian morality. Here are some of the common examples:
You will grow hair on the palm of your hands (you won’t)
It will make you blind (it won’t)
You will use up your orgasms (you won’t)
It will stunt your growth (it won’t)
It will give you pimples (it won’t)
It will make you stupid (it won’t)
It will make you crazy (it won’t)
On the other hand, masturbation will improve your body image, help you relax, keep you safe from STD’s and keep you from getting pregnant. On the subject of STD’s, if you share body fluids with another person, or you share toys, you can definitely get an STD if you do not take precautions. For example, if you were to share a toy, make sure to clean it or to at least use a fresh condom on the toy in order to avoid sharing germs through inadvertent fluid bonding. Same idea for using a toy first in your ass, and then thinking it should go in your vagina…use a fresh condom on the toy between the two so you don’t end up with butt germs in your girl parts.
Here is the thing about masturbation, as you go through your life you can add scenes you have participated into your spank bank, and you can add scenes or images you have read about to seen on film or the internet or in magazines like this one to your spank bank. It’s a veritable personal repository of hot sexual fantasies that are tailor made and perfectly suited to you! I like to think of my spank bank as an imaginary deck of playing cards and there are times when I am trying to get to full arousal when I mentally “flip through the cards” till I land on something, an image, a scene, a person or a kink that brings me over the edge.
Sexual encounters are really about getting into your partners mind while masturbation is about getting into your own mind. Woody Allen had a joke that went “the problem with my sex life is that it only involves one consenting adult”. The truth is that you could do worse. A healthy sex life, with or without partners definitely involves masturbation. There are lots of very good reasons to masturbate. By all means, have at it. You have a willing partner.
SafferMaster and Lady Petra offer Kink Relationship Coaching with online, group, and personal coaching options.
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